School

I am getting sick of hearing myself talk about it but I have been struggling yet again with what to do about school. I thought I had made up my decision and decided to go into the PTA program (Physical Therapy Assistant) and have been working overtime trying to get everything done and arrangements made...more on that later. First, let me explain why I am debating any of this at all and not sticking with my original plan of Radiology Technology. When I first inquired and made my decision to go into Rad. Tech. there were certain pre-requisite classes that could not be more than 5 years old. Because I was planning to go into the program within that time it wasn't much of a consideration and I began taking classes starting with the lab biology class I took last winter. After I started A & P I this past fall I became aware they changed the length of time to 3 years for the science classes. This makes sense, you don't want to forget things before your program starts BUT, now that kindergarten in Ferndale is not full time I wouldn't be ready to begin that program until K is in FIRST grade instead of kindergarten when I originally planned to start. So, unless I want to repeat this class at some point later (A BIG NO THANK YOU ON THAT) I would have to resort to daycare for Kennedy. That was not my plan and if I am going to go this long without having to put my kids in daycare I am not about to start when she is in kindergarten. So, this is why I have been scrambling on what to do. My original plan has been severely compromised and I'm feeling frazzled to find something new. I know it's a ways off and you never know, sometimes things just work themselves out so I am not completely ruling it out but I don't see how it will work now.
The PTA program looked promising at first. The program is very intensive and highly competitive but I feel I could have had a shot getting in. I have gone through a very lengthy application process and spent many hours doing it. There is just one huge problem with it - I am not ready. I have had incredible guilt with how much I have been away from my children with this one class I am taking. My kids routinely tell me they don't get to see enough of me and I am feeling a lot of sadness when I leave them. They have been my life and fill my days with their company for more than 5 years now and I am missing them terribly. If I were to go ahead with the PTA program I would spend all of December fitting in volunteering at various clinics (which I have already begun to arrange), start A & P II at the beginning of January and then starting the program right when that is done for spring quarter. There would be no break and I would spend the next two years (once the program starts) committing to the program. I love so many things about the idea, mostly the fact that I would be ready to go to work as soon as the kids are both in school full time as well as the fact that I am enjoying school. It's been fun (albeit challenging) to return to college and have something else to fill my brain besides children's songs but something is holding me back. I keep trying to talk myself into this because I think it is the responsible thing to do but my heart is telling me that my kids are only this young once and I can begin a program when they are older and in school. I'm not ruling anything out but just allowing myself to have permission to take a step back and not commit to anything that is going to take so much time away from my kids right now.
I will be finishing the last A & P class next quarter and I will take my three computer tests (in lieu of having to repeat the class since it's been more than 5 years) in December and then go ahead and get on the waiting list for Rad. Tech. as planned. I may also take one more quarter after that and finish any prerequisites that are required for nursing just in case. I qualify for three FREE quarters of school right now so I'm going to squeeze in whatever I can in that time and get any and all prerequisites done that will qualify me for several different programs. Then, I will decide. Although I am disappointed that I have gone to so much trouble and that I was looking forward to starting a program I feel like I am making the right decision. I know I would never regret a decision to spend more time with my children. I chose to be a stay at home mom and feel like that is the last thing I have been for the past three months. I am thankful Eric has been able to help so much with the kids while he is not working but he will soon be working and I need to also consider what that might look like.
He contacted the company in Arizona again and they will be able to put him to work after the beginning of the year so there is a high likelihood that he will be working out of state right around the time I begin my next quarter. That should be interesting. Regardless, come the first of the year there is no more choice and he must return to work no matter where it is. Our savings account is getting low and it's been much too long. He needs to get back to work and feel good about earning a paycheck again and getting back to what he knows. The job in Kent is also an option but, honestly, he would be making more money in Arizona since they will pay his travel, lodging and food. The company is in Arizona but they work all over the country so he could end up anywhere. The job in Kent would be our preferred option despite the extra cost of travel but we'll see what develops. I would hate for him to work out of state but it's out of our hands right now.
I think that about catches everyone up on what is going on at our house. I had my last official class for A & P I tonight and have an exam tomorrow afternoon. Monday will be the cumulative final exam and the cumulative lab final. I have really enjoyed this class despite the time commitment and feel proud of how hard I have worked. I wasn't sure if I could pull it off but I did. It didn't come easy but I guess that will make that A all the more sweet! Okay, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, we'll see if I can hold on to it with three exams left to be taken.