It's been a strange week and an even stranger couple of days. I have been so cranky the past couple of days and don't seem to have any patience. I feel discouraged and disappointed in people. Things are breaking my heart when it comes to my children and I'm not sure where it is all coming from although I'm sure the nearing of the start of school is the culprit. Eric is gearing up for an extended job in Wenatchee without good pay and I'm looking at the prospect of the girls starting school and being on my own all week long. I have grand plans of schedules, charts and organization but who are we kidding here? My daughter has also been asking a lot of questions about her grandpa who lives in Wenatchee and who is the one Eric has been working with. It's so hard for me to explain to her why they don't see her and her sister more often. Really, there is no real reason to speak of other than the fact they don't but how do I tell her that? Obviously I don't but it's so sad to me that family is so close and chooses not to be involved in their grandchildrens lives. There are grandparents that would drop everything to be near their grandchildren and then there are some that don't seem to care at all.
I'm turning the corner with my strep throat and feeling better although still weak and tired. I have spent far too much time in my own head the past week while missing out on a lot of fun activities I had scheduled with the girls which has been discouraging. Summer is almost over and things are just feeling "weird" or unfinished. I feel like our lives/house should be more in order before the beginning of school but things are up in the air with Eric (as usual) and I'm trying to figure out a schedule for myself that will get my a#! back in the gym and find time for studying/homework since Eric will be gone during the week.
I'm feeling really bad that I haven't spent more time with Madison working on things to prepare her for kindergarten. I worry so much about her which contributes to all of her worrying I'm sure.
I think I'm just worried about how I'm going to handle it all when school starts. I'm anticipating some really hard weeks. I know my child and it's not going to be an easy road. My biggest worry with Kennedy is how mad she is going to be when we take her sister to school in the morning and she doesn't get to go until the afternoon. I would really love another year at home with Miss K but she's not having it. She's ready to fly so I must let her. I am looking forward to the 7 hours of free time I will have during the week but that is going to be hard to organize in order to get the most out of it given the fact that Eric won't be home. I'm faced with prioritizing things like my class/homework, cooking, cleaning, exercising and just having some time to myself. Suddenly that 7 hours doesn't seem like very much. It will all work out and those 7 hours are 7 hours I have never had before so they will be great but I just need to figure out how it will all work. I am looking forward to some one on one time with Kendy again, I feel like most of my one on one time has been with Madison this summer. I miss my little girl who is not so little anymore.
Lots of think about and not much time to do it.
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