I just got back from an amazing weekend away with some great people that I will be blogging about soon but I have been thinking about a situation that is going on with my daughter and I can't get it out of my head so I thought blogging about it would help...
My young three year old daughter is not potty trained. I am not the kind of mom that pushes potty training, I think it comes when it comes. I don't think pushing it does anything more than set the whole process back because they feel pressured and expected to perform. Having said that I am at an impasse because she is enrolled at preschool.
I made sure to let them know she was NOT potty trained and make sure it was okay to send her in a diaper or Pull-up. They said that was no problem and it would come. I thought all was fine but got a phone call last week to "talk about the problem". Since the first day of preschool I have been "on-call" to rush to the preschool and change a soiled diaper if I need to (which I have had to do several times). I have been unable to schedule appointments during this time or leave Ferndale to grocery shop or run errands. I have been unable to go to the gym or anything else that would take me more than 5 minutes from the school. It has been a huge inconvenience for me but I also know that it is not the responsibility of the preschool to do this and am sure to make myself available. I know it will come but she is just unable to control it right now.
The phone call took me by surprise. I was told they would give her one more week and after that they think I should take her home after changing her if she has an accident. The reasoning for this is that it has become "too easy" for her to have mommy come and change her and then rejoin the class. I listened and agreed but as soon as I got off the phone and could think about it was no okay with this. I think the reason I am not okay with it is because I don't think she is able to control it yet so punishing her for that is not going to be an option.
What is completely upsetting me is just how much my daughter LOVES preschool. She can't wait to go and talks about it all the time. I feel like I am going to have to take her out of preschool because I just can't be spending the next several months going to the school and picking her up. I feel like she would think it is a punishment (which I think is the intention of that idea) and I just can't have that. Of course, I know the teachers at the preschool have decades of experience but it just doesn't feel right to me. I'm seriously sick to my stomach about it. I hate to pull her out but I also can't punish her for not being able to control her body yet.
Just when I think things are finally starting to settle down around here I am faced with something I can't seem to find a win win solution for.
If anyone has any ideas/advice/thoughts I would love to hear them.
4 comments:
I think it is soooo wrong for the Preschool to "punish" her for not being fully potty trained. I may not have children but everything I have heard, read and learned when I took child psychology the WORST thing you can do is punish them. Maybe a different preschool that does not have issues??? do they not have to change the younger children? So what is wrong with changing her? it is probably hard enough on her that she has to be changed. She will get it eventually and doesn't need to be pushed. Arrg this just aggravates me to no end as some children just don't have the physical control, that part of their brain is not developed. So she would be punished for something she has absolutely no control over. Can you tell I am so upset by this? what a bummer. Hugs for you and K.
But it's not a daycare, it's a preschool. They can have rules, can't they? They aren't asking to punish; they are asking for the rules to be followed. They could have been stricter on the rules and not allowed her in at all, but they've seen in the past that most kids rapidly learn after they see their peers. If she's really not ready to learn, then she's probably not ready for that preschool.
Melinda - I'm not sure if your comment was from what I wrote or what Bliss wrote but I never said they were a daycare. I never expected them to change her, that was never a consideration. You mention the "rules" but I wasn't aware of the rules. There is nothing said about potty training so that is why I specifically went to them before school started to let them know she was not potty trained. I was completely prepared to pull her out of her enrollment because she was not potty trained but they assured me it was totally fine and it would come. There was never any mention of having to take her home or pull her out of preschool if she didn't get it in 3 weeks. I love that preschool but am disappointed for the lack of communication in this area.
Ahhhhhh...now I see! My comment about not being a daycare was more in reference to Bliss's comment about the staff changing the younger children's diapers--there are no younger children 'cause it's not a daycare. I know you don't think of it as one--I'm sorry if it came across that way!
As far as the rules--when Guyan was sent there (EONS ago!), it was a rule that they told me about in the signing up phase, I think. But then, as the years went by, I heard of a few kids here and there that were going in pull ups for the first part of school, and I thought they had softened the rule, but must have still had it somewhat, since they were doing this rigamarole with you and your daughter.
Sounds like I've been out of the loop long enough that I should butt out :-) I respect you not wanting to pressure or punish her; it just gets into power struggles (Lord knows we'll all have enough of those later on). But...I also understand the school not wanting to deal with it, either. It's tough!
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