Renewed Interest

Changing the title of my blog, putting up a cute template and allowing myself to make it more about "me" (yep...all ME) is giving me a renewed interest in blogging. It's still a family blog but I find it like therapy to just type whatever I feel like typing. It doesn't matter who reads it but I got it "out". So, I may be doing lots of blogging for a while although school starts again next week so that might change things.
I also was up late last night and I started a new blog. I haven't posted anything to it yet but I think I will create a blog about our family's (mine in particular since I will be writing it) struggle with unemployment. This is, obviously, the greatest source of stress and the most pressing issue our family has been dealing with for a long time so if I am going to use blogging as therapy then I am going to make it count. I realized yesterday when I made the post about renaming my blog that I could pick any single one of those things and create a blog about it. My biggest hurdle is the fact that I am not a great writer and I am grammatically challenged to put it nicely. I am not going to spend too much time worrying about that because that just makes blogging a chore and I figure people don't have to read it if my grammar matters to them that much.
So, what is on my mind this morning? EXPECTATIONS! I was in therapy many years ago (for the first time) after Eric and I had a fairly traumatic thing happen. (This next part has nothing to do with expectations but I'll explain why I went to therapy in the first place). Eric and I lived in a tiny apartment and a noise woke us up in the middle of the night. I heard Eric jump up and go into the kitchen and start yelling at someone. I can't even begin to describe the panic I felt. I tried to pick up the phone and dial 911 but I couldn't. I tried several times and I just couldn't make it happen. I had visions of telephone lines being cut outside by our potential murderer. Eventually I managed to get out of bed, and I do mean eventually...at least it seemed to take my body forever to be able to move. I had to literally leap over Eric and some guy fighting on the ground to get to my cell phone. I called 911 while hitting this stranger with a baseball bat that I managed to grab from under our bed on my way out of the bedroom. About this time a group of this guys friends were at our front door knocking and trying to get in. I thought it was the police so I opened it only to have to try and shut it to keep them out with their feet in the doorway pushing it open. As I was doing this I looked behind me to Eric and this guy and saw Eric do something that I will never be able to get out of my head. He swung the baseball bad at the guys head and he was OUT! I'll try to be brief on details but the visions in my head are not without blood splatter. So, as I am trying to hold out these people trying to force their way into our apartment and watch the horror inside I saw a flashlight and the police arrived. Eric and I were quarantined to the bedroom and the ambulance was called. I don't remember a lot of details after that except for the part when the policeman started explaining the lifespan of HIV and Hepatitis C in blood once it hits air and how long before we should clean it up. Yep, they don't have people to clean up this stuff...YOU have to do it. Okay, I am really going off topic but months after this happened I finally had to admit that I was having anxiety and I went to therapy. Okay, enough of that...on to expectations....
During my time in therapy other things inevitably came up. Something I have always struggled with is expecting people to behave a certain way. I remember vividly the therapist telling me that if we don't expect things of people we will never be disappointed. Hmm. Could it be that simple? No! Is it really appropriate to just never expect help or certain behaviors from people? Maybe that is the way it should be but the reality is a bit harder to grasp. We were not talking about Eric (we weren't even married at the time) so maybe her advice might have been different in that circumstance but when we think of everyone else outside of our own spouse and kids I think there is something to it. In all the sessions I went to this is the one thing that has stuck with me. If we truly never expect things from people we will never be disappointed in them but we will be appreciative when they do something that shows support or help. This is my personal assignment for the week. No pre-conceived expectations of people. Wish me luck.