Today

To say we had "one of those days" just doesn't do our day justice. Sometimes I feel like people don't understand the struggles we have because my kids don't have the obvious behaviors that some parents struggle with but we have our own, very unique, obstacles that are every bit as difficult. I also feel like people wouldn't really understand if I tried to explain just how bad it can get because my daughter would never show some of her strongest behaviors and emotions in front of anyone but family so it's hard to explain to people who know her and would wonder what I'm talking about. This blog is coming in handy to express things that come up instead of calling everyone I know to vent.
Anyway, to go through the events of the day sounds about as appealing as ripping out my fingernails but I'll just say that I was beyond a horrible mother today and felt like all I did was yell at Madison. It was awful and I couldn't feel worse. The fact that she is so forgiving also makes me feel bad, almost unworthy of her generous forgiveness. She is such an amazing girl and the struggles we have are that much harder as she gets older because I think so much of her and am so proud of who she is becoming yet the emotion she shows is overwhelming for both of us.
I absolutely had to get out of the house this evening. The long afternoon at home was getting to everyone. We were all exhausted and the thought of packing everyone up as well as all the gear that has to go with us wasn't something I truly wanted to do but I am SO thankful we did. We met a friend and her kids at Hovander for a picnic dinner and it was a sanity saver for me, more than she realizes. I had a really depressing day and getting away and getting fresh air and letting the kids get some exercise was just what we all needed. They had a great time and I realized how lucky I was to have such wonderful girls. Tough days can make it difficult to see how truly blessed we are but things change so quickly and a horrible day can become a wonderful evening. Both girls are sleeping and I'm enjoying some peace and quiet and reflecting on the blessings that I have. I am so thankful for today.