I'm Fat

Okay, I'm owning it. Not that I didn't before but I REALLY hate this word. I hate this word as much as I hate the words stupid, dumb and ugly. There is nothing nice or positive about the word but it's there and I must own it (although I prefer overweight). Most people probably look at fat people with preconceived notions about laziness, unhealthy eating, poverty, uneducation, etc. While this may be true of some people (in all walks of life for that matter) it isn't true for everybody. Things are a vicious cycle, are overweight people lazy so they don't exercise or don't they exercise because they lack the energy to because of the extra weight they carry or the pain they feel when they exercise (you would be surprised by the aches and pains of a fat person)? Are people overweight because they purposely choose unhealthy foods because they would rather eat that way (a topic for another blog.....ugh. This one really gets to me - people need to buy the most calories for their buck and it ISN'T in the produce department) or do they buy unhealthy foods so they can get the most food for their money, especially in tough times? There is so much about food that is psychological and I don't think many people would dispute that. While one person may find comfort in exercise, alcohol, therapy, etc. many others find it in food.
What may be incredibly surprising, considering that I am overweight, is that I have a real desire and interest in all things health related. I LOVE buying and eating healthy foods. I would rather have healthy food than unhealthy food. I feel better when I eat it, I have more energy, I set a better example for my kids, etc. You will rarely see me at the grocery store buying unhealthy food. Recently a checker at Fred Meyer commented on how healthy the items in my cart were. This bothered me on a couple of levels..1) I don't think checkers should comment on what people are buying, it makes me uncomfortable to think they are thinking about what is in my cart and how it relates to me and 2) it could have been patronizing BECAUSE I am overweight...sort of like "yay for you...you are fat and trying to eat better". Anyway, my point is that I shop very healthfully. I don't buy junk food at all (with the rare occasion of camping...what's camping without s'mores). I do not buy pop and I don't shop many of the inside isles. I buy produce (mostly organic) whole grains, organic chicken and beans. I buy very few, and only on occasion, processed foods (a rare box of organic mac & cheese for the kids for example). So...why am I fat? Well, it's because somewhere in between buying this food and eating it there is a problem. Yes, I eat it but there is the obstacle of making the time to prepare, cook and serve this food that I can't seem to overcome. We all know eating healthier takes much more time than the alternative. I haven't been able to overcome this obstacle and eat this way consistently. We have been so busy this summer that it has made things even more difficult than normal for me. There are many excuses I could claim here (all of which are true) but I'm not giving myself an out because they are all choices. This week I chose to have a garage sale and because we've been so busy we ended up getting pizza one night, throwing together cheesy quesadillas another night, etc. I could have put off the garage sale, planned my time better, found some time to prepare something earlier in the day, blah, blah, blah. There is something holding me back from living how I truly want to live.
I know I'm not alone in food and weight struggles. The ironic thing for me is just how much I love healthy things. I am so cautious of pesticides on our food, chemicals in our plastics, chemicals in our personal care products and toxins in household cleaners among other things that there is one huge element out of alignment and that is how we eat. I'm not saying we eat horribly because I don't think we do, especially the kids. My other problem is eating too much but that's a whole other issue. I certainly didn't get this way by eating too many vegetables.
Exercise is another obstacle for me. It's something else I actually really like to do. Again, I feel so much better and have so much more energy when I'm doing it. The biggest obstacle here is that my oldest child does not like going with me. She cries and whines which makes me not go. I also can't seem to find a happy medium with things. I am an all or nothing person and if I am not exercising I am not eating as well I should and if I am not eating as well as I should what is the point of exercising? Of course this makes no sense to a rational person but if I can't do things perfectly I often chose not to do them at all. I'm trying to get better with this and have succeeded in some other areas but this one is still a challenge.
I have big plans to start the gym again in September when the girls are in school and to make the time to cook healthier. I really need some practice on pre-cooking meals and freezing things to make the job easier too. So, next month will start another chapter in my on-going battle with the bulge and my health.
But, please, when you see an overweight person try not to judge or condemn them. Maybe you pick up a glass of wine a little too often, judge people a little too often, yell at your kids a little too often, etc. We all do things that we shouldn't do. We all could be doing something better in our lives. We all could improve somewhere. We all have our vices, overweight people just tend to show ours on the outside.