Four and Seven

Madison is seven and Kennedy is four. We seem to be having a difficult time right now with these ages. Kennedy is big, strong, loud, verbal and physical right now. Not to mention she thinks she should get what she wants when she wants it. I don't think my kids are spoiled per say. They get to do more things than many but not near as much as some. They get plenty clothes but we don't shop at expensive places. They get a say in a lot of things but there are plenty of things that they have to go along with. They interrupt me more than they should but they know there is a limit. I'm sure my parents think my kids are spoiled because that generation raised kids differently. I'm feeling like I am getting a lot of things earlier than I think I should be getting them with Madison. She has an attitude that rivals any pre-teen adolescent. Her eyes roll about as much as I remember rolling my own eyes as a young teen. But...I was a young teen. I know I didn't act this way with my parents when I was her age because I would have never been allowed to. I would have been spanked, yelled at and shamed. I'm caught in a place of wanting to raise my kids differently but also not wanting to let them get away with everything. I feel I can usually handle most situations but there is something about their ages and the fact that school just started (long days with more responsibility) that is making home life quite miserable.
Kennedy is doing and saying things Madison never did. She is BIG into name calling. We are usually at home when she does this but she did it in public the other day at the gym. I was mortified and it didn't help that one lady working there gasped and started commenting to her friend about it when we were in the midst of a major meltdown. I can handle the physical stuff and the tantrums in public but the name calling is incredibly embarrassing. I'm not really sure why. I guess I feel people don't think kids should "get away" with it or maybe because they assume we use those names at home (stupid) but the truth is she is picking stuff up far earlier than her sister just because her sister is 3 years older. I can't control what comes out of her mouth at home or in public.
So, I'm going to listen to other parents who seem to be going through similar things and feel reassured that these are "normal" behaviors and have faith that my less than perfect parenting is "good enough" to help mold these little beings into decent, honest, happy, contributing, empathetic members of society.
In the meantime I may just go lock myself in my bedroom...